Tuesday, May 19, 2009

It is hard to admit this but here it goes...

As soon as we set our surgery date to have my colon and liver resection, I was feeling very uneasy. I worked so hard to get through chemo to get to the point of having surgery and when it happened...I was so scared. When chemo ended, I ended up with strep throat then pneumonia, then cellulitous/vasculitous. When I was admitted I told Deron I felt like God was trying to tell us something. Why have I been sick for 3 weeks straight right before I'm supposed to have this major operation? It was my surgeon that ordered my scans...he called my oncologist with what the scans showed and my oncologist came to see us immediately. In 5 weeks my cancer had regenerated as if it had been untreated for 6 months or more. For the first time since I was diagnosed...I questioned God. I asked, "How could you bring me so far over the last 6 months and in 5 weeks allow this to happen?" I was very upset...I cried a lot. The more and more I thought about it...I realized something. God was giving us red flags...I even told Deron I thought that was what he was doing this last time I was admitted. Had my surgeon not ordered the oncologists scans we would have ended up in surgery on the 15th, they would have opened me up and realized they could not have operated. I would have then had to wait almost 2 more months to start treatment again. By that time, the cancer may have spread so much that we may have not had many options left. I now thank God every day for saving my life again. I know he is with us and will carry us through this.

Love,

Kim

8 comments:

Crystal said...

Kim, you are such an amazing woman. Your spirit is an inspiration to me everyday! Your faith and instincts keep you moving right along and through it all you are such a wonderful mom and wife.. You are one amazing chick!! :) I love you bunches and all of our thoughts and prayers are in your corner every morning noon and night!! When you are up to some chx/dumplings shoot me over a text! Oh and an apple pie if you can have that!!! HUGS & KISSES from The Chestnuts

OBY said...

AMEN AMEN,
I'm soooooooo glad your home. I know Dyland and KiKiMo are glad your home to, they worrie about you.
You are so awsome. Your in our prayers daily.
Oby

elegantcwbygrl said...

Remember when we were working for Jack Daniels and we were heading out to Country Thunder? Remember that really long line of cars and how we had to pee really bad? Remember taking turns going in between our car and the one in front of us! Oh what they must of thought! I just wanted to make you laugh!
I love you very much and I pray for you every day.
Hugs and Kisses to your whole family.

Jill said...

"God was giving us red flags"

How often is it that God sends us red flags and we ignore it. A wise and inspirational woman you are Mrs. Kim Miller. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us.

Ps I think I was in the car you guys were peeing behind and let me tell you what we thought!!!! ha-ha-ha just kidding... :)

mich said...

Kim you are a beautiful and strong woman. Your spirit amazes me. Stay strong,you are in our thoughts and prayers. Luv Michele & Sean

Lori A said...

Kim, you're an amazing woman and an inspiration to many! You're always in our prayers. Lori

Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he sall direct thy paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

Colleen said...

HI Kim, this is Colleen Ryan, your Mom's Xango friend. Please call me asap. Your mom should have my number. Gale rogers does if she doesn't. Thx.

gloriaisis1 said...

Kim,

You are an incredible inspiration to so many. Thank you for your courage & determination. We trust & pray for your complete healing. Please know that God is carrying you through this difficult time. He is working so much in your family right now & has in the past. Your Mom is a walking miracle & you will be also. Have hope & trust in Jesus. He is with you now & always. May God bless & keep you in his care. Love & Blessings,
Gloria, Patrick & Katharine Lee