Saturday, September 12, 2009

Another Wonderful Posting From Randi's Blog

On Tuesday (09/01/09) Natalie, Erin, Laura, Becky & I were honored to meet at the funeral home to prepare Kim's body for her funeral. Before my mother died, she asked that her daughters do her hair and make-up for the funeral...we are the ones that always prepared my mother for "date night" with my dad, so it only seemed appropriate to prepare her for her last big date on this Earth.

I was proud to help make my mother beautiful that day when I was 15, so I was honored to be a part of Kim's entourage that Tuesday. To me, it is one of the greatest ways to show your love for that person.When we walked through the doorway into the room where Kim was, we were blown away at how great she looked. Natty brought pictures of Kim's gorgeous face with her make-up completed with perfection. We had her own stash of products, so we got busy attempting to make Kim look as beautiful as she had always made herself.

Kim's Aunt Lisa also met us there to cut and style Kim's hair. Kim is the only cancer patient I have ever heard of that NEEDS a hair CUT for the funeral!! I guess it's just one more amazing thing that woman did better than anyone else.

After Kim was made-up and dressed, we said goodbye to our friend and to each other and promised to see each other the next evening at the viewing.

The viewing (or wake) was on Wednesday evening at the mortuary. It was very nice, lots of flowers and friends. I watched Kyrsten as she peered into her mother's casket with a puzzled look on her sweet face. She would look for a minute or two and then walk over to sit down or talk with someone...a few minutes later she would return and peer into her mother's casket...still with that puzzled look on her face.

As I sat there, I wondered if she understood any of what was going on. I barely understand it and I'm 29 years old and I've buried my mother at 15, my husband at 20 and many other friends and family along the way...I can still barely grasp it. I wonder if she understood that her mother was not going to be coming home...and there would be no more visits to the hospital after school to tell Mom about her day.

I felt sick to my much anguish inside...for Nan, for Kyrsten, for Dylan...for Deron. For all of us that love Kim so much...that just want to understand why this happened to our Kimmy...

The next morning Mike & I woke up, got ready and drove to Aunt Kathy's house to meet the girls. We agreed to meet and drive together in order to arrive together...sit just be with each other.Kim's funeral began and I again felt sick to my stomach. After her casket was carried in by the men in her life that loved her more than themselves, the Priest said a few words and then a few family members spoke about what an amazing woman Kim truly was. She was so many things to so many people...I bet nearly every positive adjective was used that day; Kim was a fighter, she was strong, she was a champion, hopeful, kind, loving, beautiful inside and out.

Kim's brother Scott wrote a letter to was the highlight of the funeral. I wish I had a copy to was so funny and so incredibly heartfelt. I sat there laughing at the mischief Scott & Kim had gotten into as kids and laughed even harder remembering the naughty stuff my only brother and I used to do to each other.

After my laughter subsided, I felt so thankful for all of my own siblings. I truly am so blessed for each of them. Growing up I had 4 sisters and 1 brother...when I was 18 I added two sisters when my dad made one of the best decisions of his life- he married Carlys!! I love each of my siblings and can't imagine losing any of them.

Growing up was tough when Ryan would punch me and then scream that I hit him...of course since he was the ONLY boy he NEVER got in trouble or even questioned. Or how about when Dad cut the plug off the TV?? Dad bought a plug to fix it...but it was the kind you could take off and on when you wanted to. Whenever it was MY turn to pick a TV show and Ryan didn't like my choice, he would just remove the plug until I gave into watching what he wanted...I of course could NOT get that plug back on myself to save my life!! Ugh...brothers. :)

Kim was buried at the Holy Cross Cemetery near the SR 101 and Thomas Road. The graveside service was short. The family all released butterflies...and then Kim's casket was lowered into her final resting place. We each were able to place dirt on top of the vault/ was very final. I had never been to a funeral that the casket was lowered, but I really liked it. It brought much needed closure.

The luncheon was nice and then Kim's close friends and family met at Aunt Kathy's to laugh a little more together. We had a nice time being together, laughing and toasting Kim's was a nice way to end the day.I have been asking the questions, "Why!?" since Kim's diagnosis. I had heard the same diagnosis years before and still didn't understand that would I learn to understand another? As I have layed awake for many, many nights asking this night between Kim's death and her funeral, I was tossing and turning...hoping for any amount of sleep before having to go to work the next day.

All of a sudden, I felt very much at my mind I started going through the new friendships and the re-newed friendships I made through Kim...I still don't feel at peace about my friend's death, but I was once again reminded how amazing she was in my life. She opened her heart to me, allowing me to open my heart to not only her amazing family, but her incredible friends.

I don't have a lot of "Friends"...i have a lot of friends/aquaintances, but I have very few people I talk on the phone with, hang out with on a regular basis, etc. I say the majority of the reason is my job and my funky schdeule...but I became socially awkward after Kyle died...a piece of me died with him that night. I have never felt the same. I prefer to be alone...I keep to myself...I don't call...I don't answer my phone...I'm socially retarded...maybe even socially paralyzed at times. I'm just not good at it. I'm a good person, I would do ANYTHING to help someone I care about...there are times I just don't don't know how. ...Make sense?? Not really, huh?? Oh well... I can't explain it...
My point is this: Because of Kim, I made bonds that will last a lifetime. I was lucky enough to renew friendships from 10+ years ago and make new ones too. I was lucky enough to build a bond with 3 of the most incredible women I have ever known. I love these women and am so thankful that they were brought into my life...they each have unique qualities and are so amazing...I love them each more than I know how to express.

(p.s. check out Photos by Natalie!! She rocks my photographer EVER!!)
(click here to check out Randi's blog)

1 comment:

~Angela~ said...

Your writing rocks my world! Like I've said before I was not a personal friend of Kim's but our children go to school together. I have followed KIm's blog from the very beginning, ever since last October when the school sent out an e-mail to parents about the Miller's and I have been hooked ever since. I feel through these past 10 months I have grown to love and know Kim and her AMAZING family and friends. I attended high school with her cousin Kandus. Anyway, Kim's blog has been like a novel that I can not put down and I cry and laugh and love reading and seeing new postings especially when you have an incredible story like this. I can imagine being there in your shoes as I read your blog postings. I know the book that your trying to put together for Kim's kidos is for them but I would DEFINITLY buy a copy. I also can't wait to schedule anappointment with Natalie for my family photos. I completely agree with you on her work. Thank you for the story, that was beautiful.