Monday, November 10, 2008

Sunday was an emotional night

Sunday started off different. When I woke up in the morning I felt nauseous. Most of the day I felt nauseous. I never thought I'd say "Thank goodness for drugs". I never did get sick, thank goodness. The home care nurse arrived just about 2 pm to unhook me. Round 2 is officially over. My Uncle Mitch, Aunt Lisa, Justin, Jake and Jesse came to see me. Melissa was kind enough to bring us a yummy dinner. However, tonight has been quite an emotional night for me. I read a book to the kids titled "When Someone You Love Has Cancer A Guide to Help Kids Cope". It really broke down the body from having cells you can't see that make up tissues that make up organs, and when some of those cells get sick they join together and that's what cancer is. It went into not being afraid to ask questions, to scary words aren't always so scary like biopsy, chemotherapy (we touched base on mommy's medicine), to it's not your fault, to it's okay to be afraid, happy, sad or even mad. It also went into how people change...they may get thinner, they may not be able to do all the physical things with you right now, THEY MAY LOSE THEIR HAIR. I made sure to touch base on losing my hair with the kids. This is the topic I have feared the most. Dylan asked why I would lose my hair. I told him that the chemo (mommy's medicine) tends to make people lose their hair. We talked about when Nana lost her hair when she had to take chemo and how Nana has her hair back. I almost cried when Kiki said "It's okay mommy, when your hair falls out you can where your pretty wigs you got."
I knew it would happen...I've been trying to prepare for it...I never thought it would be so emotional. I went in to take a shower tonight and when I took my pony tail out, a lot of hair came with it. I called my mom into the bathroom, looked up at her and said "It's starting"...and I started to cry. The more I ran my fingers in my hair the more fell out and the harder I cried. I cry as I write this tonight as I am very sad to see my hair go but I know it's another step to my road to recovery. My fear is my kids...what will they think? How will they feel? Will it scare them? My mom called Deron at work and he rushed to be by my side. I was so afraid to get into the shower because I knew I would be washing away a lot of my hair...and I did. I still have hair on my head but my mom said it's a very short time and it will be gone. Deron has taken the night off to stay home with me while I'm so emotional. I've done really well with my 2 rounds of chemo that I kind of thought there might be hope for my hair. This is just a bit of reality that has taken me on an emotional roller coaster tonight. I'm now very tired from crying and I'm going to try and get a good nights sleep. I know the Lord is with me and he will get my family and I through this.
I love you all!

1 comment:

Rainma said...

I have always thought of you as beautiful and not because of your hair, but because of who you are on the inside. You look great with short hair and I am sure you will look even gorgeous if you loose it all.
Just think of the cool hats you can buy!
God will take care of you, you are doing an amazing job of sharing.
Tell Deron, Jeannie says he rocks! He was the only officer that ever called me that & he always did from day one.
Hang in there sweetie!